If you read Maggie Marr’s first chapter for the Harlequin Presents Writing Competition and want more, here is the synopsis for her story “The Billionaire’s Proud Mistress”! And further down is the editorial feedback on her submission.

The Billionaire’s Proud Mistress – Synopsis

by Maggie Marr

Maggie Parish spent the last three years of her life dedicating herself to her job as Cole Jackson’s assistant.  She watched his every move, catered to his every whim, and took care of his every need in hopes that she’d someday be promoted.  Now, through careful preparation and planning Maggie has managed to put together the biggest deal of her young life and the deal that will provide Cole with the crown jewel in his media company Comcast.  But there are some problems on the horizon.  First, Stan Morton the ageing owner of the broadcast network TBC has cold feet and isn’t so sure he wants to sell to Cole Jackson.  But bigger than that?  Maggie Parish has managed to fall in love with her boss.   She fears that her emotions are clouding her judgment and if she were to let Cole Jackson know of her feelings he’d most surely fire her and she’d lose not only everything she’s worked for but also the ability to see Cole every day.

Cole Jackson is a self made man.  A billionaire he is about to complete the deal he needs to make his company complete.  A deal brought to him by his ever faithful assistant Maggie Parish.  He’s trained her for three years, perhaps too well.  She’s almost outstripped the master, him, with this deal.  Until there is a snafu.  Cole has just taken on a half billion dollars in debt financing and it looks as if the deal with Stan Morton will fall through.  But there is a bigger problem.  Cole Jackson, who doesn’t believe in weakness or love has fallen for Maggie Parish.  And this desire he feels he can’t ever tell her about because it would ruin their work relationship and he has too much respect for Maggie to make her another disposable relationship.

When Cole and Maggie go to Sun Valley to try and save the deal it doesn’t take long for Stan Morton to realize these two, unbeknownst to each other, are in love.  Stan spent his life making deals and ignoring his wife.  Now he pays the price alone with a family that doesn’t seem to care much about anything but his money.  Stan hems and haws keeping Maggie and Cole in Sun Valley longer than necessary.  It is here that Cole and Maggie finally realize their love for one another.  But just as the deal is about to close, Stan suffers a heart attack and Cole is called back to LA to deal with the bankers.  It is while Cole’s in LA that a photog catch Cole with a former love.  Stan is on the mend but Maggie sees the photo and realizes that Cole didn’t really want her.  And it’s probably for the best because she’d rather have a career than a life with a man like Cole Jackson.  Maggie accepts a job in Hong Kong with another media company.

It is in Hong Kong where Cole shows up on Maggie’s doorstep and confesses he saw his former lover, but it was in public, besides Natalia, his former lover knows that they can’t be together.  “Why,” Maggie asks.  “She’s the perfect kind of woman for you.”  “Because,” Cole replies, “I’ve fallen in love.”  Cole wants Maggie.  And, well, Maggie?  Of course she wants him!

The Billionaire’s Proud Mistress- Editorial Feedback

Here is the editorial feedback on Maggie Marr’s submission!

We loved THE BILLIONAIRE’S PROUD MISTRESS because it so accurately illustrates the simmering sexual tension between two people who’ve worked together a long time. We loved the strength of the heroine and her competence and expertise in her role as the hero’s assistant. There was some fantastic, smart, sassy and realistic dialogue. We were also intrigued by the fact that the deal doesn’t actually go through, and the tantalising prospect that this would lead to the hero and heroine spending some time together – alone! It was an extremely well-crafted first chapter that leaves the reader desperate to read on.

Our principle concern was whether there was enough conflict between the hero and heroine to fuel a strong emotionally driven romance through the rest of the story. From what we could ascertain from the author’s synopsis, there needed to be more conflict and so the editor’s consultation with the author discussed ways she could develop the emotional conflicts and how to layer these to result in a compelling and emotionally satisfying romance. This process began by looking at both the hero and heroine in turn to discuss the characters and what had shaped them, and how these could be developed in to strong internal conflict strands.

The editor also discussed with the author whether she was aiming at Modern Heat or Modern with this submission as some elements suggested Modern and others Modern Heat. The author is going to read some more books from both series and decide which she thinks most accurately fits her voice.