You’ve read the steamy first chapter, now read the synopsis and editorial feedback for Harlequin Presents Writing Competition 2009 runner-up Joanne Pibworth’s entry!

Synopsis for “Shoes, Lies and Videotape” by Joanne Pibworth

Nancy & Jack meet late one night in a hotel piano bar, and the intense spark of attraction between them inevitably tugs them straight towards the bedroom – until she spots his wedding ring and flees out into the night without her shoes.

At 29, Nancy Elliott has a failed relationship behind her with a cheating fiancé, and is picking up the pieces after enduring an emergency hysterectomy at 27.

Obviously this means she’ll never have a family of her own, and she found caring for other people’s children as a nanny too heart wrenching. She’s now transformed herself into a successful businesswoman, running her own award winning Nanny agency.

Jack McBride is a self made multi millionaire, owner of a string of eight boutique hotels, soon to become nine once the Mallorca deal goes through. He’s a widower, having lost his wife during childbirth, which left him with a maelstrom of grief and guilt. She’d been desperate for a child, and he made a private vow to never let another woman step into her shoes with Dillon. He wears his wedding ring as a daily reminder to himself and others that his heart is unavailable.

Jack tracks Nancy down to finish what they started, and he practically bribes her into being his nanny for the summer, but the sparks fly as soon as they are under the same roof in Mallorca.

She quickly adores Dillon, and although it bruises her heart a little, she finds she herself enjoying reprising her nanny role. She loves the island, the villa, the neighbours…she’s happy for the first time in a long time.

Jack is torn. He’s bewitched by Nancy, but seeing her with Dillon blurs the distinct line he insists on between fatherhood and relationships – and it turns out to be the fatal flaw in his otherwise perfect plan.

They can barely keep their hands off each other, and he offers her a strictly no strings attached summer romance, even handing her a pre booked ticket home to ensure she’s under no illusion of permanence.

She’s disconcerted, but feels so overwhelmingly attracted to him that she decides to let her heart rule her head for once and go with it. He takes her on a beach picnic where she reveals her answer to his sexy proposition, and then turns their first meeting on its head by seducing him.

The following weeks don’t go smoothly, with Jack’s inner turmoil causing him problems at every turn. They share romantic evenings and hot nights, but around Dillon he insists on treating her impersonally – overstepping the mark sometimes and hurting her.

Jack’s consumed by guilt whenever the three of them are together, leading to arguments.  He’s never spoken to a soul about his private vow or the reasons behind it – but by keeping his secret he unintentionally ensures that Nancy is never disabused of her belief that Jack is still in love with his late wife.

Their neighbour gives birth with just Nancy and Jack around & it’s symbolic for them both – Jack finds birth unbearable, and it raises heartache for Nancy about her own infertility.

During this, she reveals to Jack about her hysterectomy.

Nancy adores Dillon, and realises that she also loves his daddy. She knows full well that he has no interest in a relationship and tries valiantly to safeguard her heart, but fails miserably.

It’s Dillon’s 6^th birthday at the end of week 6, & his family head out to join the party. Dillon’s overexcited, and declares his birthday wish – he wants Nancy to stay forever as his new mummy. It sends Jack into a total meltdown and they argue, during which Nancy confesses that that she’s fallen in love with him and then ends up fleeing home.

Being suddenly without her leaves him more bruised & lonely than he could have ever imagined.

He has Dillon, his friends and his family, but they don’t come close to filling the gaping Nancy sized hole that has opened up in his life. He’s livid with Nancy for her honesty, because it forces him to face up to his own demons and admit to himself that deep down he loves her every bit as much. Facing the future without her in it is an unbearable proposition, making him finally realise what he needs to do.

She’s left without those damn shoes again.

Jack turns up on her doorstep with them dangling from his fingertips, finally opens his heart and confesses how much he loves her, & explains why he still wore his ring.  She realises that his wedding finger is bare, and having heard him out, she now knows what that will have cost him.

He asks her to marry him, to be his wife and mum for Dillon. She of course, says yes.

Editorial Feedback for “Shoes, Lies & Videotape” by Joanne Pibworth

What we loved about Joanne’s entry:

• Joanne’s writing style is effortlessly contemporary, exciting and sexy.  It also had great pace, which kept us turning the pages!

• Her characters are believable, engaging and likeable, especially her heroine Nancy.  A nanny turned businesswoman, Nancy is strong and independent but also a little naive in the business realm allowing her to fall prey to her delicious hero Jack.

• Joanne has also subtly taken some traditional romance motifs and given them a fun, contemporary twist! One of my faves is the heroine fleeing after her first encounter with the hero, leaving behind her gorgeous (and expensive) designer shoes – Cinderella style! Luckily, the hero returns them later…with some unusual conditions attached.

Some things Joanne needs to keep in mind as she develops her story:

• Ensuring her characters’ motivations, particularly her hero’s, are always believable and consistent with his character.  Why Jack wants Nancy in particular for his business needs to be well motivated for him to go to the elaborate lengths of blackmailing her.  Especially as a man with his looks and success could have any woman he wants…

• Maintaining the overall excitement and sexiness her opening chapter promises throughout the rest of the story, and the hard, dangerous edge of her hero, once we learn he’s a family man, still grieving for his dead wife.

• Joanne has great natural talent, and we would encourage her let this shine through more in this story and make it an even fresher, more enticing read!