From the Editor: Kimberley Young on “A Bid for Love”
8 Comments November 25th, 2008 in editor, writing, writing contest Posted by AmyYou’ve read the synopsis, and the first chapter… but what did the editor’s love about Lucy Roberts’s winning Feel the Heat writing competition entry? Editor Kimberley Young is here to share the editors’ feedback, and give Lucy some tips on continuing to write a winning manuscript…
What we loved about it:
Lucy’s natural voice shone through, it was funny, witty and wonderfully flirty. The characterisation was believable, especially from Emily’s point of view. Her big sister is an excellent example of how quickly and effectively you can characterise someone with a few one-liners.
I really loved the way characters and dialogue were so contemporary: “He has a laptop instead of a lance.” Oh, and the clincher for me – “a palace would be ideal” “Would a penthouse in Mayfair do instead?”– This editor was hooked!
The set-up was original and executed well, the reader was plunged straight into the story. It’s tricky to use flashback, but I felt Lucy had handled it really well.
Some things to keep in mind:
Lucy will need to make sure that the hero’s motivations for bidding for Emily are good and in keeping with his character. Right now, there is enough to keep it believable and the reader hooked…but the reader will need to know more as the story progresses
And again, as the story progresses we may need a little more male point of view.
The only thing I think it might be worth noting is that the wonderful humour and clever, contemporary dialogue would not be so impressive without strong characters behind them. The humour is so successful because each line of the banter helps to move the story forward and to increase our knowledge of Emily and Luke. And this is something to keep in mind as the story develops.
Otherwise, just keep up the fabulous sparky banter and the flirty interplay and I look forward to working with Lucy on the full manuscript!
Kimberley Young
Tagged with: dialogue • Feel the Heat Writing Competition • Kimberley Young • Lucy Roberts • writing tips
Hello all – apologies for the delay with the post… if you tried to get on the site the last couple days, you’ll have seen we were having a few technical difficulties. All fixed now, though
~Amy
What fabulous feedback, Lucy! Getting those motivations right is so difficult isn’t it? Especially in one chapter. I reckon you nailed it though. Good luck with Kimberley – would love to hear how you’re getting on.
Jackie
Thanks for getting it sorted out Amy!
Marvellous feedback Lucy, you must be so thrilled! I am so interested to see what happens next….
No probs, Amy! Great post to come back to
Congrats, Lucy, on the fabulous feedback from Kim!! Sounds like you’re on a winner. Very best of luck with the full
Robbie
Congrats again Lucy. Just wanted to add that I read your first chapter and synopsis and thought they were brilliant.
I think you’ve taken some real risks with your story. A grieving hero especially I thought was going to be a tough one to pull off and still keep that fun, flirty tone so essential to Modern Heat – but you certainly nailed it in that first chapter. Ummm, he was delicious. Strong, silent, sexy and sort of perplexed, just the way I like them.
Good luck on your work with Kim, but from her post here (and the evidence so far) I don’t think it’ll be long before we’ll be reading all about your call story!
Heidi
Hello!
Yep, Kimberley’s feedback is lovely. But the motivations are tricky and now I’m scared… Risks? It was never my plan to take risks! Don’t know what I’m doing half the time – it’s not just my hero who’s perplexed
Lucy
LOL Lucy! Do any of us ever know what we are doing? Ha. Congrats on the lovely, very encouraging comments from Kim.
You did a great job to hook us from the beginning and we’ll look forward to seeing more!
Hugs!
Marian Pearson Stevens
“But the motivations are tricky and now I’m scared… Risks? It was never my plan to take risks!”
No risks, no rewards, right Lucy? I was reading a synopsis for an upcoming February Presents Extra and a couple of the plot points had me thinking, “Holy-moley, how is the author going to handle THAT?” — but definitely in a good way, since now I really want to get my hands on it to see what happens and how things work out. I might as well stop being a tease and say it’s “Mistress: Hired for the Billionaire’s Pleasure” by India Grey. It’s already been out in the UK, so please no spoilers