by Sally Williamson
Reasons why we loved Lynn’s entry:
• Fantastic dialogue
• Great dynamic between hero and heroine – a really intense connection and fabulous sexual tension
• Quick pace plus lots of story – made us want to read on!
• Sexy, commanding hero, but heroine also feisty and likeable
• Instant sense of story – the chapter gets going straight away with revenge element and knowledge of hero and heroine shared past, without drowning reader in flashbacks or details.
Lynn and I will now work together on the rest of Lynn’s story as we thought it had loads of potential! However, there are some revisions to this first chapter that Lynn will be working on.
• Share/ stock detail – need to research this to ensure the scenario we have is realistic, believable and with correct information.
• Further explore heroine’s feelings on how the hero makes her feel after all these years. Opportunity when they first meet again to see more of how her emotions here.
• Thread in another layer beneath the surface – so that readers can see Alejandro felt betrayed by Rebecca emotionally as well as financially/ professionally.
I’m looking forward to reading the entire story!
Hi Sally,
Thanks for this post, now we can see editorially why we love Lynn’s entry also
.
Thanks again,
Nikki.
It’s like being the invisible woman walking through your offices and listening to your discussions……invaluable….thanks so much
Susieq
Thank you Suzanne- so helpful to see things from an editor’s POV!
It’s been brilliant to get such an insight into the whole process, Lynn’s story sounds great, all the hallmarks of a really classic story – best of luck Sally and Lynn pulling to together, I’ve no doubt Lynn can do it, especially with such great guidance,
!
x Abby Green
Hi Lynn,
Congratulations on winning the Instant Seduction Contest!
I read your winning entry the other day.
I am a corporate and securities attorney in the U.S. (i.e. mergers and acquisitions, corporate finance, securities offerings, and other tedium) Believe it or not, female attornies do read and write romance novels!
When I was reading your entry, I saw the corporate and securities inaccuracies right away, but I did not think it hip to comment. After all, most women are reading HP for the romance and could care less about the legal jargon, right!
However, now that your editor has raised the need for you to research the share and stock details of your plot, I would be happy to give you a starting place on your research. If interested, please feel free to e-mail me at madelinesmyth@msn.com.
Best of luck!
Yep, I’m already revising! Truly, when writing the takeover scene, I was relying on a memory of WALL STREET the movie, when Gordon Gekko pretty much gets whatever he wants by insider trading and collusion. Not that I expected Alejandro was doing anything illegal — but it seemed such a dramatic way to begin! I figured I could gloss it over and roll along into the drama of throwing these two together.
And that’s how I got myself in trouble, LOL.
Madeline, thank you for the contact info! I’m definitely emailing you! And I appreciate your restraint in not calling me out about the inaccuracies.
That’s why Sally spoke to me about it — she said we need enough to satisfy the share-savvy people without boring the non-share savvy people.
Ladies, the lesson is never rely on old movies for research!!
Abby, I’m reading BOUGHT FOR THE FRENCHMAN’S PLEASURE right now! Enjoying it very much.
Lynn I’m now quaking in my – socks as I haven’t got dressed yet and don’t ask what the time is – to know you’re reading my book. I hope you like it
. Your chapter was so packed full of vibrancy, as I’m trying to work on some synopses now I hope your vibrancy rubs off!
Madeline that is so generous of you to offer your time and services, you’re lucky you’re based in the US or I’m sure you’d be hearing from me too!
Best of luck Lynn with the revisions…
x Abby
Fabulous critique!! Harlequin Presents editors are amazing in their feedback! Goodluck with the changes, Lynn, I have every confidence in you, and best wishes!
Lynn, I replied to your e-mail, which you should have by now. Don’t even think of beating yourself up over the corporate and securities issues. Really, how many people know about the inner workings of the world of securities trading, securities fraud, hostile takeovers, etc.! How many people would want to know!!! (I hope my family member, who happens to be a Wall Street merchant of debt, doesn’t see this).
Abby, it’s so nice of you to say it was generous of me, but it wasn’t really. I often give of my time and services. In fact, I’m renowned for being in my gardens between 5:30 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. every morning (unless there’s snow on the ground) and neighbors, friends and even acquaintances often come by with their problems (even though I go into my gardens to be alone). I’ll confess, though, that I make them work at my side while I listen to them!
Madeline Smyth
P.S. Thanks for not beating me up about the misspelling of the word “attorneys” in the earlier post. My secretary hit submit before I could finish reading it on the screen over her shoulder.
Madeline, what’s a spelling mistake between friends?! Sounds like you provide a lovely service to your friends who might need it. I’m sure it will be invaluable for Lynn too…
x Abby
Abby, LOL! It’s afternoon here, and I’ve not gotten dressed either.
I tend to write in the pajamas most of the day, then hurriedly get dressed before the hubby walks in the door so he doesn’t think he’s married to a messy, unkempt woman. I am enjoying your book — when I can get away to read it! Wrestling with this stock stuff has drained me.
Madeline, you are a treasure! I got your email, and I’ve sent back more frantic questions.
Now if only you lived next door — I’ve got a yard in need of expert help. Really though, the info you provided — while mindboggling — was great. I will get it right in spite of myself!
Don’t y’all think Madeline Smyth is such a beautifully perfect Presents author name, btw? I just love it.
Lynn,
First, let me say congrats on the awesome first chapter and synopsis. You definitely laid out the conflict between the hero and heroine. I will be looking for the final product when it is on the shelves!
But, I also had to comment on the staying in the pajamas thing: to me it is one of the perks of being a writer. I can only stay in PJs until about 10am though because my oldest son has 1/2 day Kindergarten and I have to take him to the bus stop at 11am.
Abby, I have your book in my tbr pile. I hope to get to it soon. Have to finish Helen Brooks’ “The Billionaire’s Marriage Mission” first.
Great job, again, Lynn.
Barbara Burnham
Lynne, I love your first chapter, congratulations and no wonder you caught the editors’ attention! Fabulous effort. Can’t wait to read more.
And Madeline, what a wonderful and generous offer you made! Here’s to a sprinkle of fairy dust in your life. You deserve it.
Sorry, that should have been Lynn. Without the ‘e’.
Where’s the edit button when you need it? Still loved your chapter though:-)
Lynn, what a great first chapter. I can see why the editors were excited by it. Good on you. Best of luck too on the polishing.
Abby, giggling here at you quaking in your socks!
Madeline, how great that you’re in a position to help Lynn with the financial aspects of her story. It’s terrific to find just the right person to advise on a plot point that’s not familiar. I’ve had several people help me out on things as diverse as diving in the Arabian Gulf, caring for race horses, medical treatments and pithy phrases in another language. I think you’re right that readers want to be swept away by the fantasy. But at the same time it’s good to get the details as accurate as possible.
Looking forward to reading some more of the chosen first chapters,
Annie
Barbara, there’s a phenomenon here in Dublin where especially around the inner city, it’s quite de riguer for women to wear their pyjama’s ALL DAY. It’s like a fashion statement, and they have special pj’s that they were out, as opposed to the ones they slept in that night. So if you moved to Dublin you could officially stay in your pj’s all day. Somehow I can’t quite work up the nerve.
x Abby
Daisy, I want to see a photo of these Irish outdoor pyjamas!
Annie
Yesterday, I had great fun acting as legal counsel to Layton International, which has the distinction of being my first pretend corporate client. A thought came to mind this morning. There is a soap opera where all the characters are in desperate need of legal counsel. I did clerk for the U.S. Attorney years ago . . . perhaps I should get on to the network. Right!
Now, back to Lynn and The Spanish Magnate’s Revenge, which I assume everyone is eager to hear news about.
Lynn is now not only armed and dangerous with quick repartee and steamy romance but with corporate high-flying. I suspect that, when you get your hands on the book, you will find the revised Chapter One even more exciting than the original, if that’s possible. Sorry, but can’t tell you more – bound by client confidentiality!
Lynn, if this business of writing doesn’t work out quite the way you want it to (which I can’t imagine happening with your talent, energy, and perseverance), Wall Street will always be there waiting. No, don’t even consider giving up HP, where passion is guaranteed, for Wall Street, where only ruthlessness is guaranteed. So, stop reading the blogs and get back to work, Lynn . . . and everyone else, too!
Madeline
LOL Madeline- Maybe we will be reading YOUR Presents story one day, you certainly have a great voice coming through in your posts, plus you will get the background right!
Congratulations Lynn. I look forward to reading your book. I respect what a lot of work you must do to complete it! Makes me tired just thinking about it. & how lucky to meet Madeline here!
I also enjoyed reading the critique. btw a great synopsis too.
to : Trish Morey- I loved, loved your last book. I am keeping it!
to: Annie West- I also love your books & will get whatever you write next.
To : Abby Green- I have never read yours (I’m a newer reader) & so will get your book this week. I have only read about 3 hps so far this month. I look forward to reading it.
I have had some ?’s that I was curious about that maybe should be on another thread or topic. But I always wondered about when an author uses another name than her own- why do you do that? does that help the book sell? I always thought that books on best seller lists would do better if they had male names except romance. Also it seems the focus is on faster action books with intrigue.
Good luck to all of you Mulberry and Susieq or anyone else who is writing! I look forward to reading all the winners books and the rest too. I always buy the new authors books to see how I like them.
Whew, just getting back over here after a busy weekend!
Trish, thank you, and don’t worry about the ‘e’. Maybe it’s a US thing, but there are Lynnes and Lynns. Lynn is also a male name in the South, but not too much used anymore. Naturally, when I was little, there were two Lynns in my school: me and a boy. I hated it, though I imagine he did too.
Annie, thank you! I’m having fun writing this story and hope it’ll be available for sale one day (fingers crossed!).
Madeline, once again, thank you so much! You are LI’s attorney of choice! And though Rebecca is in the trouble she’s in now, I’m sure it wouldn’t have happened if she’d asked your advice BEFORE proceeding with her plans. And you’re right, I’ll take HP over Wall Street any day!
(Mulberry is right about your voice shining through, too!)
Redlighting, thank you for the nice comments! You are right that it was great luck to meet Madeline here. That’s the thing about romance writers, I’ve realized: we all have so many different skill sets in our daily lives and everyone is willing to help everyone else. I’ve always been grateful and amazed at the talented women who make up RWA (and its equivalents across the oceans).
I don’t know about the names, but I suspect it has to do with perhaps a writer’s own name being difficult to pronounce or maybe even not all that attractive emblazoned across a book cover. It can also have to do with privacy. Maybe Susie Jones is the vicar’s wife — but Betty Johnson is her alter-ego who is free to write passionate romance. I think everyone has a different reason.